“You need to stay home and look after the kids.”

“How could you spend that much money?! I worked so hard to earn it…and you just blew it on ____ “

“Just sign here – I need this for the mortgage.”

“Here’s your money for the week. Don’t spend it all in one place hahaha!

“Leave me, and I’ll bury you in debt and you’ll go bankrupt.”

Financial abuse is a form of domestic abuse, and it happens more often than people realize.

Financial abuse is when a person controls, manipulates, or coerces their partner into making financial decisions that they don’t want to. It involves exploiting their power over their partner to take income, savings, credit, and self-control over their finances. Financial abuse can take many forms; some of the more common examples include:

• Dictating on what or when a partner can spend money
• Controlling access to financial accounts
• Using a partner’s personal information without their consent to obtain credit
• Coercing a partner to transfer assets into their name
• Controlling their partner’s career aspirations
• Refusing to contribute to shared expenses, or implying that their partner must pay for shared expenses themselves
• Intentionally damaging a partner’s credit rating to make them dependent
• Threatening to sabotage the family finances

Financial abuse is a particularly dangerous form of abuse, especially when one spouse is the primary breadwinner for the family. This perceived power imbalance between the two spouses can lead to the notion that the abuser is justified in their actions. Moreover, this form of abuse can seldom be seen by third-parties, and is not universally recognized as abuse.

Recognizing Financial Abuse

Unlike physical or emotional abuse, there are not overt signs that a victim is suffering from this. Moreover, finances have traditionally been a taboo subject for friends and family to discuss – society has trained us to keep that subject as “off-limits” in normal social interactions.

However, here are signs that you, or someone you know might be suffering from financial abuse.

• They suddenly quit their job, or reduce their hours from a job that they had previously indicated that they were satisfied at
• A person who cannot make simple financial decisions on their own without approval from their partner
• Major assets are disposed of without a logical explanation (cars, jewelry etc.)
• At social events, they order minimal cost items that seem out of place (i.e. ordering a small appetizer or a coffee when going out for dinner).
• A person who feels that they are “stuck” with a partner, even though they want to exit the relationship

How can you help a person who is being financially abused?

These steps can be taken as both a victim, or as a supporter of someone who is a victim of financial abuse.

• Develop a support system – let the victim know that there is help available
• Document your finances – create an updated list of accounts, balances, and providers that you can reference to ensure that you know your financial footprint
• Take control of your finances – Open credit cards and bank accounts in your name only to build credit history and ensure that there is a financial cushion to fall back on
• Develop an exit plan – In leaving any abusive relationship, a safety plan is key. Ensure that your safety plan includes a financial pathway to survive without the abuser
• Seek legal assistance – Lawyers have many tools available to prevent the abuser from sabotaging a victim’s financial future.
• Work with a financial planner – Finance professionals can empower victims to take back their self-confidence regarding financial matters, through informed decision making, and making their own choices on personal finances.

If you are a victim of financial abuse, please seek help. This is a serious form of domestic abuse that often goes unreported, and the impacts can be substantial and enduring. By educating yourself, you can recognize this form of abuse, and take steps to ensure a positive financial future free from abuse.